PITY PARTY

When you think of a pity party, what do you envision? Having a pity party means indulging in self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself, and seeking sympathy from others after a disappointment or setback.

A pity party doesn't have to be about seeking sympathy. It can be about allowing yourself space to acknowledge, process, and release the emotions that comes with this demanding life. Sometimes we can feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. That's okay and I think that is healthy, and a perfectly normal emotion. Life throws a lot of things your way and disappointments happens, sadness happens, and wrongs things happens in our lives. There are times when things just keep going wrong in our lives no matter what we do.

There are times when I will experience bouts of loneliness and sometimes this triggers me into having a "pity party." I don't think that this is a way of feeling sorry for myself, and I am not complaining about how crappy my life is, because I have nothing to feel sorry for myself about, and my life is wonderful. But there are times that I will go on an excursion, and I know in advance that this excursion is going to be unpleasant. My loneliness is triggered by grief, from the loss of my husband. There are times that I will have to journey down the streets of pity as I cruise down memory lane. When this happens I have to tell myself, not today. There will be no tears shed today.

Pity loves to use Misery to attack you at every opportunity. They will wait until you are totally distracted and will throw sneaky arrows at you. Pity is one of Satan's children. Pity will use all kinds of tricks to capture your attention. You have to be on the look out for those little arrows of frustration and irritation, because they will try to poke at you all throughout the day. Pity will use anything to frustrate you. Anything to rattle you.

So, the other day I went to the mailbox to collect my mail. I noticed that I had an invitation to a very important event. I thought about what would I wear to this VIP event. Suddenly, I realized who was hosting this event and I just couldn't miss this great social occasion. A lot of Movers and Shakers would be attending. First, there was going to be the Joy Family in attendance. The Happy Family had already confirmed their attendance. Those families are all about total satisfaction. They go beyond making you feel so good.

Then I thought about those other families, Should Have Done, Could Have Done, and Would Have Done. That Done Family is all about the negative. But the Shattered Dream Family are the Done's best friend, so I knew that they would be attending. Being around the Shattered Dream family makes you fell, literally, like shattered glass is breaking into small pieces all around you. Those tiny pieces of glass feels like anger, grief, sadness and shock. I knew that I couldn't attend this party. This party was going to be depressing and it was going to turn into a "pity party." I knew that they were going to bring up all the stories of pain and sadness and I didn’t want to be depressed. I decided not to attend the party. No "pity party" for me today!

I decided that I would just relax and enjoy the sunshine today. I went and got a glass of iced tea and since it was such a beautiful day, I was going to sit on my porch and relax. There I was sitting on my front porch, minding my own business. I didn't have a care in the world. I was as happy as I could be. Rejoice and Glory was sitting there with me. It was just us three. We were worshiping God and praising Him. We were just basking in his magnificence and thinking about his awesomeness.

I got up to get a glass of water. When I came back to the porch, Rejoice and Glory was gone and who had taken their places, was Pity and Misery. Yes, those two muckety-mucks were there! Those two self-important individuals, greeted me with a smirk on their faces. What a sad combination! There was Pity, oozing with sorrow, with eyes of suffering. A tongue full of misfortunes. Ears filled with depression. He had a smell of sadness, with a head full of anger, just sitting there, crying in shame.

Diagonally from him was Ms. Misery, herself. She was dressed to the nines. Her hat was decorated in agony and pain. Her dress was full of despair, that had an overlay of heartache. Her shoes were shining with a slight hue of torment, with its three inch heels of low spirits. Her purse was full of deprivation, affliction, torture, anxiety, and desolation. She was sitting there beaming in melancholy, while softly whispering the blues. I believe that song sounds like The Melancholy Blues. You know Misery loves company!

They are just sitting there waiting for me to strike up a conversation with them, but I told myself, not today. They are doing everything possible to get my attention, but seriously, not today. I decided that I would go back into the house and leave those losers outside. I got up, opened the door and closed it with a swiftness. I locked all of the three locks on my door, and ran away from it. I could hear them shouting my name as they beat on the door. The further I walked away from the door, the less I could hear them. By the time I reached the stairway, I was met by Rejoice and Glory again.

I began to rejoice and glorify God for his goodness and his mercy. For his grace towards me. For being such a wonderful and loving God. The next thing I knew, I had a full choir going on and a praise team. Happiness showed up, then Happiness invited Joy over. Joy called Delight. Delight brought Cheer and Jubilation. We were celebrating Jesus with merrymaking and acclamation, being full of inspiration.

So when your uninvited guests show up at your home (in your life), please let them know that they are not welcome. Please don’t let them in. Shut your door (your ears), lock your windows (your eyes), and close your blinds (your mind). Tape up your peephole as well. All they need is a foothold and they will be in. Ephesians 4:27 says, “….for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Pity and Misery are negative emotions. Negative emotions will fester in our hearts. When this happens, we give Satan power. Thus, giving him the opportunity to establish a foothold in our lives. When we allow those feelings to fester, Satan is no longer the passenger, he is now the driver. You can’t allow him in, not even in a little part of your life. He is greedy, he doesn’t want a little part of you. He wants all of you. Once he has your mind, he has you. The foothold will turn into a stronghold. Once he gets deep enough into your life, that makes it harder for you to take back control of your life.

Any negative emotion is bad for you. If you fill your life with resentment or hate, Satan has gained a foothold. If you are full of guilt and shame, he has gained a foothold. If you are drowning in self-pity and misery, he has gained a foothold.

You need to snatch your life back. How do you do that? It’s house cleaning time! Kick-out all things “negative”. Negative and positive cannot reside in the same house. The house is your “mind”. You must replace every negative thought with a positive thought. Once you invite the Holy Spirit into your life, He will help you with that. Jesus and Satan cannot dwell in the same place. It’s one or the other. Only you can make that choice. It’s your choice. So you chose!

I had to make a choice, and I chose me. I am slowly learning how to heal. The first thing that I must do is clean up all the blocked emotions and stress that I have - we all have - in our hearts. Those are like colored glasses that has tinted everything I see and feel. They are, the way my mind controls me.

Then I have to fill my heart with my own love, my own trust, and my own appreciation. I realized that I am the only one that can fill my heart. There is nothing external can do it for me. I am having to learn to become responsible for my own life and my own happiness.

I am the only one that can find inner peace and joy. With the help of God, I know that I can find what I need from deep inside of myself. I can find all the answers to my questions, that I need to know. God can give me the guidance for my life to help heal my heart.

Emotions are like water, if they flow, they are clear and healthy. If they become stagnate, they will rot. If you blocked your emotions, they will become like a dam and they will truly explode. I must allow my emotions to flow.

I must learn to strive to achieve the perfect balance between my mind, my feelings, and my will, to become the best version of myself that I can be. But I can only do this by loving myself, trust myself, and appreciate myself, because these are the foundations of self-worth and self-esteem. Sometimes when pity and misery confronts me, I often asks myself, "Will I be able to really love someone else? Do I really want to be loved?" I have to ignore pity and misery, because I know that you learn to love yourself just by loving yourself, and I do love myself, I just don't know what to do with myself since I have no one in my life to love, and loves me. I have learned to appreciate me for myself.

I own my feelings and I appreciate my feelings. When pity and misery tries to creep in, I always tend to my feelings. I feel my feelings completely. I have found that by doing this, I have a reasonable and rational view of the underlying issue. This is usually followed by laughing at myself in a loving and acceptable way. I have learned that if I am going to throw a party of one, I should really ENJOY IT.