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Writer's pictureCecilia Porter

THE APPOINTMENT

Updated: Feb 17, 2021


I was going through some old writings and discovered this note that I had written. I would like to share it with you. It was dated, May 5, 2019.

It reads as follows: It’s Sunday morning and I am sitting here in my living room, in my favorite chair, listening to my husband snoring. Rev. Porter said that he would be dead before Friday, May 3rd., but it is now May 5th. two days passed his estimated death forecast. He is still with me and he is still here, amazing everyone. I am just thinking, look at God! No one knows the day, the time, the hour, the second, but God. Not man, nor I, nor the enemy, just our heavenly Father. I began praising God, that my husband is still with me. I remember becoming angry with him, because he kept saying that he didn’t have long to live. I knew that he was ill, but I never thought that he was dying.

We all make appointments. Some for a variety of services. We make hair appointments, dental appointments, doctor’s appointment, financial advisers’ appointments, car service appointments, spa appointments, nail appointments, etc. With all of these services, if something comes up or if there is a conflict in our schedule, we can cancel the appointment or reschedule it. But there is one appointment that can never be changed, scheduled or rescheduled, and that is death, our expiration date. Death is like the beginning line of “Hide and Seek", “ready or not, here I come, you can’t hide.”

There is a song by Curtis Mayfield, called People Get Ready. He sings, “People get ready, there is a train a coming, you don’t need a ticket, you just get on board. All you need is faith to hear the diesels humming, you don’t need a ticket, you just thank the Lord.” My husband boarded that train on May 15, 2019, at around 4:00 a.m., early Wednesday morning. I never saw it coming. He always said that I was in denial. I guess I was. How can you move forward when your entire life has been about each other? We were joined at the hip. He was the yang, to my ying. There was always a Claude and a Cile, never, one without the other. I found myself, not knowing what to do with myself.

When my husband died, in the middle of my grief, through all the pain, I never became bitter. I was very appreciative of God for allowing me to have an amazing life, with an amazing man. Only God could put two totally different people together and allow them to have an amazing journey together.

I often wonder, would I ever see the world in a new light? Would my world ever look clear and crisp again, rather than cloudy and gray? I have been told, that just, as I can change the focus on a camera, with a simple turn, the focus of my life can change also. I can’t imagine how!

I read this and I wondered would this ever apply to me. “Life is like a camera, just focus on what’s important and capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things don’t work out, just take another shot.”

They say that our lives are like a camera. I am just trying to make it through each day, so I guess only time will tell. They say as time passes, the pain will not hurt so badly. I don’t know about that, because my heart is not just broken, it’s shattered.

There are some things that you can prepare for, and some things you cannot. There are some things, that have been prepared for, but not acceptable. Some things are acceptable, but not bearable. Some things bearable, but unacceptable. Death is difficult, love and memories makes the unacceptable bearable. 1 Thessalonians 4:14, “For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.”

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